Just some thinking.

"Memory can only do so Much"

I created this blog to help me remember/ record down important events that happen to me in my life. I.e. "things I want to remember".

Today (in fact it was just about an hour ago), something bad happened. Well, I won't really elaborate much on that because after some thinking, I decided that I didn't want to remember it some months from now.

It's just that, it got me thinking. Would I want to remember all the bitter stuff that happens to me? Looking back through my posts, I realize that the majority of it are happy stuff, a fair number of neutral stuff, and a few negative things.

I was never one to hold grudges or keep hating on anything. I understood that it would do bullocks to my health and my psyche. So sometimes I may have a predisposed dislike for someone, but if you were to ask me "why?" I'd say I can't remember because well, I don't. And it's just a slight dislike, is all.

Now, back to present day. Immediately after the incident, I was so heated I could've written an A+ 1119 English Essay well over a thousand words because the words would just flow. Well, I exaggerate. But you get my point. I reached the stage where my mind would be generating negativity and hatred in overdrive mode and eventually make me depressed throughout the night and possibly the following morning.

Why did I stop myself, took a few deep breaths, and smiled? Because that's what I thought a person should do. A person who is able to uphold at least his or her own code of conduct.

But then again, if I were to write it down, maybe in future I could use it as reference, you know? Bring it up in another argument to unfairly tilt the scale in my favour. Oops, there goes, I let the cat out of the bag. That's about as much as I'm going to say about what someone did to me.

I'm all up for arguments and debates. I'm a pretty good debater myself (self-proclaimed). At times I even relish in playing the Devil's advocate, just to have a battle of wits, you know? No offense or hurtful words, just intelligence. Of course, it's definitely difficult to find someone to do that with you nowadays, when the loudest voice and the hardest heads generally win.

I'm straying off topic again. As you can see, I guess I'm still a little bitter. It's just been an hour, after all.

My argument for writing down the bad things is that maybe I'd learn from them in time. But I daresay I would end up doing something completely despicable like bringing up issues from years ago that can make the other party feel guilty and potentially give you unfair advantage.

My argument against that is simply that I'd be a happier person. And I think that's a good enough reason.

Maybe another argument for writing them down is that I might be secretly hoping someone would find my diary, blog, and everything else one day and realise just what they did to me and start crying, you know? Like in those movies.


Nah, I kid.

..

It's something like confessing to someone, isn't it, in a way? Telling that person everything you've felt so far and waiting for his or her reaction. Well, not like I would know. I've never confessed to anyone yet up till this point. Or been confessed to. It's like something I want to do, yet at the same time am so afraid of doing.

Wait-- I'm straying from the topic again. Well, nevermind. Let's cut it off here.