The Forked Road (POEM)

The Forked Road that forced us to part,
was the Forked Road that broke my heart.
With you I would have gladly walked together,
But we both knew that was possible never.

The time soon came when you had to go,
Staying at the fork we both smiled once more.
With a brief hug and solemn goodbyes,
You took the first step and averted your eyes.

Long I stood there hoping you would stop,
and turn around and say that you would stay.
For another minute, for another day,
Even another second would be okay.

But my wishes were dry,
just like the sky without a star for me to wish by.
And continue you did, down your own path,
leaving me behind without a half.

Hours turned to days, and days turned to weeks,
I slowly walked my road with hesitation.
For every step I took away,
I took another back to that day.

For how could I allow it if you ever started thinking
that you wanted to come back but there was nobody there waiting?
And so I still waited for that little 'if', little 'maybe',
that one day you might come back and you could then save me.

My brain says 'Leave!', my heart says "No!
A miracle can't happen if you let go."
And to that, so far, I have followed my heart;
But I think it's about time I learnt my part.


I have to leave-- I know it is so.
With feet heavy, I left the Forked Road.

Post-Chinese New Year and Learning Badminton

So everyone's over and done with Chinese New Year. Actually, it isn't over till next week for Chap Goh Mei, or the Chinese Valentine's day or something. CNY was fun-- lots of food and meeting my friends and classmates again after so long was really, really, refreshing. And I've got to say that I do miss them a lot. As people say, new friends are silver, old friends are gold. My take is that both are equally valuable although at times it's hard to choose one from the other.

I don't have much to write for CNY since I spent most of it with my cousins. I felt like my aunts and uncles were competing or something, each treating everyone to 8-10 course meals every night. The food was good though, but sad to say I couldn't finish them like I used to. Either I started eating less, or my cousins (them being mostly girls). Either way, a lot of food went wasted and it was really regretful.

 On the fourth day, also known as St. Valentine's day, I went visiting with my friends.

Basically this (and its variations) became the cover photo of quite a number of us there. Nothing much to add, except a shoutout to Jasmine.

We miss you so bad! We actually considered editing you into the photo, but then decided not to. Soon it's gonna be my turn to feel this way. Thinking of this, it actually reminds me of a short video clip here CLICK HERE FOR TOUCHING MOVIE
Although apart, forever in heart. :')

And boom bam, CNY was over. I also lost some RM 100. Damn it.

ANYWAY!

Back to Nottingham Malaysia. Classes progressing as usual-- pretty hectic and I'm still a little struggling to cope. Today was my FIRST time EVER learning how to play badminton. And I discovered so many things wrong with me. Well, I'm really tired at this point. So, I'll end it here. GOOD NIGHT!

Just some thinking.

"Memory can only do so Much"

I created this blog to help me remember/ record down important events that happen to me in my life. I.e. "things I want to remember".

Today (in fact it was just about an hour ago), something bad happened. Well, I won't really elaborate much on that because after some thinking, I decided that I didn't want to remember it some months from now.

It's just that, it got me thinking. Would I want to remember all the bitter stuff that happens to me? Looking back through my posts, I realize that the majority of it are happy stuff, a fair number of neutral stuff, and a few negative things.

I was never one to hold grudges or keep hating on anything. I understood that it would do bullocks to my health and my psyche. So sometimes I may have a predisposed dislike for someone, but if you were to ask me "why?" I'd say I can't remember because well, I don't. And it's just a slight dislike, is all.

Now, back to present day. Immediately after the incident, I was so heated I could've written an A+ 1119 English Essay well over a thousand words because the words would just flow. Well, I exaggerate. But you get my point. I reached the stage where my mind would be generating negativity and hatred in overdrive mode and eventually make me depressed throughout the night and possibly the following morning.

Why did I stop myself, took a few deep breaths, and smiled? Because that's what I thought a person should do. A person who is able to uphold at least his or her own code of conduct.

But then again, if I were to write it down, maybe in future I could use it as reference, you know? Bring it up in another argument to unfairly tilt the scale in my favour. Oops, there goes, I let the cat out of the bag. That's about as much as I'm going to say about what someone did to me.

I'm all up for arguments and debates. I'm a pretty good debater myself (self-proclaimed). At times I even relish in playing the Devil's advocate, just to have a battle of wits, you know? No offense or hurtful words, just intelligence. Of course, it's definitely difficult to find someone to do that with you nowadays, when the loudest voice and the hardest heads generally win.

I'm straying off topic again. As you can see, I guess I'm still a little bitter. It's just been an hour, after all.

My argument for writing down the bad things is that maybe I'd learn from them in time. But I daresay I would end up doing something completely despicable like bringing up issues from years ago that can make the other party feel guilty and potentially give you unfair advantage.

My argument against that is simply that I'd be a happier person. And I think that's a good enough reason.

Maybe another argument for writing them down is that I might be secretly hoping someone would find my diary, blog, and everything else one day and realise just what they did to me and start crying, you know? Like in those movies.


Nah, I kid.

..

It's something like confessing to someone, isn't it, in a way? Telling that person everything you've felt so far and waiting for his or her reaction. Well, not like I would know. I've never confessed to anyone yet up till this point. Or been confessed to. It's like something I want to do, yet at the same time am so afraid of doing.

Wait-- I'm straying from the topic again. Well, nevermind. Let's cut it off here.

Dream Diary Day 22

I remember this dream pretty clearly even though it's already night. I'm a bit hesitant to write it, but I did say I'd write whatever I dreamt of-- no censorship.
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I had an argument with my father. I wanted something but he stopped me from getting it (winning it?). I was so angry. So. Damn. Angry. Moreso than anytime I've ever been before. I had something in my hand-- a bottle of sorts. And... I threw it at him. Gosh. What even made me DO that, I don't know. It hit his head, duh. And he turned to look at me.

And in his face, I can't imagine it. It was his face. But... different. And I felt so ashamed that I gave in to my little bout of anger. I immediately went to him and apologized profusely, but he just turned around after staring at me and walked away.

I sat down on the ground (coincidentally is was raining too) and prostrated, but to no avail.

=======================

The funny thing is that normally I KNOW when I'm dreaming, and I can forcefully wake myself up. But this time, I couldn't. It wasn't until my alarm went ringing for some time did I finally wake up. Hmm.

Dream Diary Day 21

Ahem. This was from this morning, when I was awakened from my dream by  my phone's alarm because I was going to play basketball with my friends. Anyway, here goes:

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I was somewhere steampunkish-- dark, metally, machines everywhere but not shiny ones -- apparently it was my last day there. My sister and Kit, together with me, had to board an airplane by jumping through this small hole in the ground. It was kinda scary as we were kinda high up in the air. I never really did jump in the hole even though the other two of them did.

Someone then asked me, "How are you going to celebrate your birthday?" and then I said, "Probably makan somewhere only."

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My phone alarm promptly chimed at the time and I woke up and got ready for basketball. 

I had another dream while taking a nap in the afternoon.
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  Argh..  cant really remember because it feels so retarded even trying to.

There was me in an area... just a space. There was bulbasaur. And some guy preaching about baseball... and.. I had psychic powers? mmm I can't... remember...

Running around while mentally levitating bulbasaur in the air while it was using vine whip...

Afternoon Naps of Awesomeness (ANA)

So, if anyone knows me well enough, they'll know that my family frequently takes afternoon naps, me included. However, ever since I started staying off campus, I could barely find the time to take a nap anymore and it doesn't help that my room (over there) is terribly hot in the afternoon. Like, oven-hot. It's headache inducing-ly hot. Therefore, I've neglected sleeping in the afternoons for a few months already.

And somehow it's become a habit nowadays to not sleep. And I was fine with that. But man, I was pretty worked out the past few days and finally gave in to siesta time once more. And holy crap it was awesome. So awesome, I now dub other afternoon naps like this ANA-- Afternoon Naps of Awesomeness. So awesome I now have to clear the puddle of drool on the floor and wash my pillows.

And I could hardly even wake up. Maybe it wasn't so awesome. :\
Because although it felt really good to sleep, I feel really lethargic right now and it doesn't help that some... "people" (I really didn't want to call them that, but I guess no matter where we are on the intelligence scale, we are of the same species ultimately) can't quit burning rubbish in front of their my house. Man, I reek of ash.

But this post is about ANA. Yeah, it was really awesome. I feel like sleeping again, but I have some exercises to do, and hell yeah, will power baby. I can at least control myself this much.

Reflections on Basketball

Reflections on Basketball

I believe being involved in basketball has had a positive effect on my life. I have been playing badminton on and off since form 1, but it never did light my passion for exercise. I never improved much over the five years that I played. I did enjoy playing, but it was more like a "if I had nothing better to do" kind of thing. I never had the desire to be better, and as such, I never did get better.

Then I skeptically joined some of my friends when they invited me for basketball with them. I was pathetic at it. I could neither dribble nor score-- but somehow there was something so... fulfilling about being able to place a 29.5 inch leather ball through a hoop hanging some 10 feet in the air. I wanted to do it again. I wanted to do it more often.

The problem was that there were always people trying to stop me from making that ball go through the ring. There were always problems. I was not good enough-- I lacked the skill, the dexterity, the precision and the stamina. If I wanted to feel that euphoric feeling again, there was only one solution: I had to get better-- better than my former self, and better than the obstacles preventing me from reaching my goal. I had to become quicker. I had to jump higher. I had to be a stronger person.

With a goal in sight, it was much easier to direct my ever-changing attention to one thing... and for the first time in a long while, I actually wanted to put in the effort for something-- on my own accord-- to reach a target which I've set for myself. It made me feel in control, like I wasn't just a person walking down a road, but a person walking down THE road. 

Being able to jump higher opened up a whole new world to a person of my stature. Suddenly, new places seemed to be in reach-- places which I never knew existed. Running and jumping made me feel so alive, in a different way that doing charity or spending time with the people closest to you does.

I finally started caring about my health because I wanted to see more. I wanted to live this life longer. Along the way I felt like I've become a different and, I hope not to sound arrogant but, a better person-- not just as a basketball player, but as a human being.

All in all, yes, I do believe basketball was a very good thing that happened to come my way. I can't say if it was the "best", for who's to know which possibility is better than the others?  Basketball also helped me start liking badminton all over again-- and now I'm an avid player of both.