I have some personal issues-- things that are fundamentally wrong in the way I carry myself, my thoughts and the mental anguish I needlessly put myself through.
For one thing, I get irritated very easily.
But the good thing about it is that I guess I don't get angry-- I just get irritated. However, my tongue seems become a hundred times sharper at that point and I'll hurt everyone around me.
Or maybe I just call it irritated, when I am actually angry. Maybe that's just the way I express my anger.
...
I am a competitor. Whenever there's a win-lose situation, as most competitions are, I try my hardest to win. I honestly do. Because if I don't, then why am I wasting my precious time by not giving it my all?
That's all fine and well if I could live my life alone. But I get irritated when people don't feel the same way. But right now, as I'm typing this, I believe my irritation is justified as, due to people not willing to commit to something, it's dragging me down as well, and directly wasting my time.
But maybe my stance will change after I've calmed down.
When I don't win, then that means I lose. Sure, some people may say, I can gain something even though I lost. But I'm a winner. And winners don't lose.
Where does this big-headedness and self confidence come from? I don't know. It was always there.
I do believe my mom had a big part in creating that part of me. And I don't mean that in a good way.
I suppose I'll change my mind again when morning comes. I'd be all Happy! and Smiley! and the "usual me" once more.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Thursday, June 13, 2013
My hair is not black anymore.
I suppose this may come as a shocker to some people. But 2 days ago, on Tuesday, 11 June 2013, I went to a saloon and, two hours later, came out with copper-red highlighted hair. I also changed my hairstyle from the basic side-parted hair to an I-don't-know-what-kind-of-modern hairstyle. Also, bought some styling mud (clay, essentially) but haven't had much chance to use it.
What brought the change? Well, it was kinda an on impulse thing, yet not really, because I've been considering doing some stylo stuff to my hair for quite some time. I actually wanted to highlight it blue, but the hairdresser said it'd take a very long time. So, a natural colour, in the end. Maybe I was influenced by my drums teacher back in my primary days, because he had super long blue hair that could sweep the floor. Hahah! But not anymore ever since he became a father.
So yeah, that's about it. Photo? Well, I'll get one up soonish, when there's a nice one. In the meantime, here:
What brought the change? Well, it was kinda an on impulse thing, yet not really, because I've been considering doing some stylo stuff to my hair for quite some time. I actually wanted to highlight it blue, but the hairdresser said it'd take a very long time. So, a natural colour, in the end. Maybe I was influenced by my drums teacher back in my primary days, because he had super long blue hair that could sweep the floor. Hahah! But not anymore ever since he became a father.
So yeah, that's about it. Photo? Well, I'll get one up soonish, when there's a nice one. In the meantime, here:
Take care!
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Dream Diary Day 26
Had this while taking a nap in the afternoon:
I dreamt I was in Nottingham. I was going to go pick Khoo up and the two of us were to have lunch together. I was supposed to go meet up with poh too. In a big hall, there was to be a ballet performance (possibly Yen Yi's one?).
Suddenly my phone rang in the hall as I dropped by to take a look around. It was Jasmine calling me. I was kinda shocked and pressed 'answer'. Then Jasmine said, "Hello... hello good afternoon.. hello good afternoon..."like as if she wasn't sure if she got the right person. Very formally.
"Hello... hello good afternoon, my name is.."
then I said,
"You do know who you're calling right."
And then the two of us broke out in laughter, and she mentioned something like she wasn't sure if she had my number right. We talked for a while, then I went out of the hall, there was a big field.The ground was made up of small rocks.
Lo and behold I saw Jasmine sitting down outside. But somehow, I didn't really stop to talk to her. I just asked her, while walking, "Have you seen Poh?" to which she replied no. Then I said something like, I'll see you tomorrow, oh wait, no, you'll be coming home next week right, I'll see you next week.
Kinda weird. Hah. Possibly located in Nottingham UK, maybe? Not sure.
I dreamt I was in Nottingham. I was going to go pick Khoo up and the two of us were to have lunch together. I was supposed to go meet up with poh too. In a big hall, there was to be a ballet performance (possibly Yen Yi's one?).
Suddenly my phone rang in the hall as I dropped by to take a look around. It was Jasmine calling me. I was kinda shocked and pressed 'answer'. Then Jasmine said, "Hello... hello good afternoon.. hello good afternoon..."like as if she wasn't sure if she got the right person. Very formally.
"Hello... hello good afternoon, my name is.."
then I said,
"You do know who you're calling right."
And then the two of us broke out in laughter, and she mentioned something like she wasn't sure if she had my number right. We talked for a while, then I went out of the hall, there was a big field.The ground was made up of small rocks.
Lo and behold I saw Jasmine sitting down outside. But somehow, I didn't really stop to talk to her. I just asked her, while walking, "Have you seen Poh?" to which she replied no. Then I said something like, I'll see you tomorrow, oh wait, no, you'll be coming home next week right, I'll see you next week.
Kinda weird. Hah. Possibly located in Nottingham UK, maybe? Not sure.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Dream Diary Day 25
So I guess thankfully this wasn't a nightmare. But it was a peculiar dream.
I was on my computer, surfing facebook, or something, and chatting with a girl called Krystal. The thing about her is that I've never met her in person nor heard her voice. And I don't know what happened, but she somehow gave me a phone call; though we never exchanged numbers before. I picked up my phone and suddenly she was standing in front of me. Well, it was all imaginary, of course, because I've never seen her before. And we talked for a while, and I can't remember how she sounded like. But yeah, I woke up after that.
I was on my computer, surfing facebook, or something, and chatting with a girl called Krystal. The thing about her is that I've never met her in person nor heard her voice. And I don't know what happened, but she somehow gave me a phone call; though we never exchanged numbers before. I picked up my phone and suddenly she was standing in front of me. Well, it was all imaginary, of course, because I've never seen her before. And we talked for a while, and I can't remember how she sounded like. But yeah, I woke up after that.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Dream Diary Day 24
I had a nightmare this time.
I dreamt that I had to cook something for someone. Cook a fish in a certain special way. And I didn't know how to.
I was at a shopping mall, something akin to tesco. It was late at night-- everyone had left and I was alone with a few other people. So I was thinking to get out of the place, following a huge security guard. (like 4-5 times bigger than me). As he was escorting us to the exit, we came across another family. The thing is this family looked like zombies. The father had some skin, and eyes, but other than that were pretty much bones. I can't remember how the others look like. But they did speak english. Hmm. I think they killed the guard-- and then told us to follow them if we wanted to live.
We were at their 'house', located somewhere inside the mall. Their little daughter was hungry/bored I don't know, and the father asked me to play with her. Or more like, survive her trying to eat me.
She lunged at me and I held her head back. Then she cried and said I was cheating because I was pulling her hair. So I was like, okay okay, I won't pull your hair. Then I held her back by holding her forehead, and she cried as well saying that it wasn't fair.
Luckily for me, the mother stepped in and said that we all should eat something too. She prepared meals for us (however we were all split up and eating at different places). While eating her delicious meal, I took a bite into a piece of lime and suddenly I understood that she was asking me to run away. I calmly put the lime down and carefully found my way out without making any noise at all.
I exited the area and found out that I was on a hillish area, overlooking a big lake (it was way past midnight, and the whole area was very dark. But it was bright enough for me to see where to go, maybe because there was a bright moon).
I looked for a way to get to my car, and realized that the shortest way was to go past that shopping mall again. However I decided to swim across the lake instead and take the roundabout way.
There was a jeti in the lake, so I used that to walk to somewhere in the middle of it, before jumping into the water and swimming across. I was so afraid that there were zombies or something in the lake, and I was like oh shit, and then forced myself to swim slowly only at the very surface of the lake. Luckily for me, I managed to reach the other end safely.
I managed to find my car without any hiccups and then I saw my friend(s?) there. Apparently the mother had given each of them a chance to escape too.
I drove us back home. My house was a simple single storey house with a pretty big yard and gate. We entered the house.
Suddenly there were people outside. It was too dark to tell who, but we were scared like crap. They rang the doorbell and somehow managed to get in. But these were my other friends. And apparently they wanted to do a surprise party for another friend.
And then their other friend came and...
I forced myself to wake up at this point. I didn't want anymore of this dream :\
I dreamt that I had to cook something for someone. Cook a fish in a certain special way. And I didn't know how to.
I was at a shopping mall, something akin to tesco. It was late at night-- everyone had left and I was alone with a few other people. So I was thinking to get out of the place, following a huge security guard. (like 4-5 times bigger than me). As he was escorting us to the exit, we came across another family. The thing is this family looked like zombies. The father had some skin, and eyes, but other than that were pretty much bones. I can't remember how the others look like. But they did speak english. Hmm. I think they killed the guard-- and then told us to follow them if we wanted to live.
We were at their 'house', located somewhere inside the mall. Their little daughter was hungry/bored I don't know, and the father asked me to play with her. Or more like, survive her trying to eat me.
She lunged at me and I held her head back. Then she cried and said I was cheating because I was pulling her hair. So I was like, okay okay, I won't pull your hair. Then I held her back by holding her forehead, and she cried as well saying that it wasn't fair.
Luckily for me, the mother stepped in and said that we all should eat something too. She prepared meals for us (however we were all split up and eating at different places). While eating her delicious meal, I took a bite into a piece of lime and suddenly I understood that she was asking me to run away. I calmly put the lime down and carefully found my way out without making any noise at all.
I exited the area and found out that I was on a hillish area, overlooking a big lake (it was way past midnight, and the whole area was very dark. But it was bright enough for me to see where to go, maybe because there was a bright moon).
I looked for a way to get to my car, and realized that the shortest way was to go past that shopping mall again. However I decided to swim across the lake instead and take the roundabout way.
There was a jeti in the lake, so I used that to walk to somewhere in the middle of it, before jumping into the water and swimming across. I was so afraid that there were zombies or something in the lake, and I was like oh shit, and then forced myself to swim slowly only at the very surface of the lake. Luckily for me, I managed to reach the other end safely.
I managed to find my car without any hiccups and then I saw my friend(s?) there. Apparently the mother had given each of them a chance to escape too.
I drove us back home. My house was a simple single storey house with a pretty big yard and gate. We entered the house.
Suddenly there were people outside. It was too dark to tell who, but we were scared like crap. They rang the doorbell and somehow managed to get in. But these were my other friends. And apparently they wanted to do a surprise party for another friend.
And then their other friend came and...
I forced myself to wake up at this point. I didn't want anymore of this dream :\
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Wesak Day 2557 (2013)
Wesak Day-- the day the Buddha passed away forever. Why do we celebrate-- wait, "celebrate" isn't the right word to use. Why do we observe this day? It is to commemorate the Buddha's passing, yes, but more importantly the Buddha's attainment of Nirvana/Nibanna-- the greatest achievement. The belief that he did not die, but relinquished his life. That he had defeated death because death did not take him but rather he accepted it and he was finally able to escape the wheel of samsara-- of death and rebirth. We observe Wesak to remind ourselves to be more mindful of our actions by undertaking the precepts and to share meritorious deeds to all beings.
That didn't sound like me, did it? Haha!
Well, on such an auspicious day, I travelled to two different places to spend my time meaningfully rather than sleep and be generally unproductive. In the morning, I went to Maha Vihara temple at Brickfields because Sis. Pai Ling invited the NBS to be volunteers at their booth for Wesak. I was the only person free to go so I asked (forced) Bob to come along and accompany me there. Two of my friends tagged along, namely Wah Sheng and K Huey to go to the temple too. We left Semenyih at around 8am and reached our destination at around 10:30am, thanks to Sis. Pai Ling for picking us up. I overestimated Malaysia's public transport system a little bit.
Once there, we toured the area a little and partook in a bit of (overpriced) food before getting to work. I was stationed at the booth distributing joss sticks and candles and accepting donations while Bob was working at the Book store. The other two were pretty much free to roam around and helped here and there. After we were done, Sis. Pai Ling fetched us back to the Kajang KTM station where I parked my car and we parted ways there. Bob went straight to Serdang, to go to Nalanda and help out there again (wow, salute to you brother) while Nut stayed back at the temple for his parents. Kae Huey and I went back to our house and I went to bathe and sleep for around 10 minutes before getting ready to leave for Nalanda myself.
I picked Lee up and the two of us went to Nalanda with the help of my GPS. On the way there it started to rain so heavily to the point where I couldn't see the road in front of my and had to drive very slowly. I was concerned for Nalanda's agenda for the night because it would be quite impossible for the procession to go on under such a storm.
When we reached there, the rain had somewhat subsided and the place was generally in a bit of a mess since their schedule couldn't be kept. The Nalandians were hurrying in and out carrying tables and chairs and organising the visitors because the rain had flooded the field. Celestine told us to chill and look around the Nalanda Centre while waiting but Lee and I decided to offer our help where possible and carried tables and boards here and there for some time. Thankfully, the rain stopped altogether slightly shy of 6pm and things were under control again.
We had our dinners, consisting of a multi-course meal ( I can't even begin to count the variety of food available) as well as a dazzling number of desserts consisting of local cakes and sweets. We also had tau fu fah, provided free by the vendors. While eating, Celestine introduced us to an interesting guy called Benjamin Khoo. He was in the finance line and was fun to talk to. As night drew on, the procession started to move. We were each given a candle to light and hold as we walked. I was explaining to Lee throughout the walk about the Buddhist culture to the best of my ability but I probably couldn't do it justice as there is a lot that I still don't know.
After that we were ushered into seats to observe the speeches and performances prepared by the Nalandians. The highlight was definitely the Reader's Theater and the Wayang Kulit. I was looking forward for Bro. Tan's speech, but he didn't give one. After that Lee and I helped the Nalandians pack up stuff like tables, chairs, speakers et cetera while engaging in some conversation with them.
Oh yeah, peanut, a girl named Hui Sin (forgive me for I am terribleh with Chinese names) from Wesley Methodist School says hi to you.
Anyway, after we were done packing, Bob, Lee and I went to Mungga Nasi Lemak and had supper before going back home to sleep.
And there you have it, my Wesak day.
That didn't sound like me, did it? Haha!
Well, on such an auspicious day, I travelled to two different places to spend my time meaningfully rather than sleep and be generally unproductive. In the morning, I went to Maha Vihara temple at Brickfields because Sis. Pai Ling invited the NBS to be volunteers at their booth for Wesak. I was the only person free to go so I asked (forced) Bob to come along and accompany me there. Two of my friends tagged along, namely Wah Sheng and K Huey to go to the temple too. We left Semenyih at around 8am and reached our destination at around 10:30am, thanks to Sis. Pai Ling for picking us up. I overestimated Malaysia's public transport system a little bit.
Once there, we toured the area a little and partook in a bit of (overpriced) food before getting to work. I was stationed at the booth distributing joss sticks and candles and accepting donations while Bob was working at the Book store. The other two were pretty much free to roam around and helped here and there. After we were done, Sis. Pai Ling fetched us back to the Kajang KTM station where I parked my car and we parted ways there. Bob went straight to Serdang, to go to Nalanda and help out there again (wow, salute to you brother) while Nut stayed back at the temple for his parents. Kae Huey and I went back to our house and I went to bathe and sleep for around 10 minutes before getting ready to leave for Nalanda myself.
I picked Lee up and the two of us went to Nalanda with the help of my GPS. On the way there it started to rain so heavily to the point where I couldn't see the road in front of my and had to drive very slowly. I was concerned for Nalanda's agenda for the night because it would be quite impossible for the procession to go on under such a storm.
When we reached there, the rain had somewhat subsided and the place was generally in a bit of a mess since their schedule couldn't be kept. The Nalandians were hurrying in and out carrying tables and chairs and organising the visitors because the rain had flooded the field. Celestine told us to chill and look around the Nalanda Centre while waiting but Lee and I decided to offer our help where possible and carried tables and boards here and there for some time. Thankfully, the rain stopped altogether slightly shy of 6pm and things were under control again.
We had our dinners, consisting of a multi-course meal ( I can't even begin to count the variety of food available) as well as a dazzling number of desserts consisting of local cakes and sweets. We also had tau fu fah, provided free by the vendors. While eating, Celestine introduced us to an interesting guy called Benjamin Khoo. He was in the finance line and was fun to talk to. As night drew on, the procession started to move. We were each given a candle to light and hold as we walked. I was explaining to Lee throughout the walk about the Buddhist culture to the best of my ability but I probably couldn't do it justice as there is a lot that I still don't know.
After that we were ushered into seats to observe the speeches and performances prepared by the Nalandians. The highlight was definitely the Reader's Theater and the Wayang Kulit. I was looking forward for Bro. Tan's speech, but he didn't give one. After that Lee and I helped the Nalandians pack up stuff like tables, chairs, speakers et cetera while engaging in some conversation with them.
Oh yeah, peanut, a girl named Hui Sin (forgive me for I am terribleh with Chinese names) from Wesley Methodist School says hi to you.
Anyway, after we were done packing, Bob, Lee and I went to Mungga Nasi Lemak and had supper before going back home to sleep.
And there you have it, my Wesak day.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Minor Update
I guess I haven't updated much in a while. Maybe it's due to me being in my exam mode now. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't have any dreams lately. I do, some of them pretty vivid, some not so. But as of right now? I don't remember anything anymore.
I've bought some supplementation from Amway since I've signed up to be a distributor-- a total cost of RM 542 for my whole family. I've bought some glucosamine tablets in hopes that it'd help the discomfort in my knee that I always get after playing basketball.
My mom is always concerned about my basketball-playing habit and the subsequent aches I get. I know, I have to take care of my knees as they'll last me till my death-- but if I stop playing basketball I think I'll go crazy. And even if I stopped basketball, there's still badminton, an equally high impact sport. Lately I've been getting into Ultimate Frisbee too. It's kinda fun and since it's played in a field, the impact on my knees aren't as great.
I want to write another story again. I already have a rough plotline in my head. About a boy who wants something so bad-- but how bad exactly? Stay tuned. ;)
Just another week till I'm officially done with my first year. Mixed feelings about it.
Been dabbling my hands in meditation again.
Follow up on my Ledger Book and also my Book of Good Things-- I realized that I am pretty thrifty after all. And it's not as easy as I thought it would be to think of three good things to be grateful for everyday. But well, I'm keeping at it. It's nice to turn back the pages and feel happy, at least.
I've bought some supplementation from Amway since I've signed up to be a distributor-- a total cost of RM 542 for my whole family. I've bought some glucosamine tablets in hopes that it'd help the discomfort in my knee that I always get after playing basketball.
My mom is always concerned about my basketball-playing habit and the subsequent aches I get. I know, I have to take care of my knees as they'll last me till my death-- but if I stop playing basketball I think I'll go crazy. And even if I stopped basketball, there's still badminton, an equally high impact sport. Lately I've been getting into Ultimate Frisbee too. It's kinda fun and since it's played in a field, the impact on my knees aren't as great.
I want to write another story again. I already have a rough plotline in my head. About a boy who wants something so bad-- but how bad exactly? Stay tuned. ;)
Just another week till I'm officially done with my first year. Mixed feelings about it.
Been dabbling my hands in meditation again.
Follow up on my Ledger Book and also my Book of Good Things-- I realized that I am pretty thrifty after all. And it's not as easy as I thought it would be to think of three good things to be grateful for everyday. But well, I'm keeping at it. It's nice to turn back the pages and feel happy, at least.
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