A recap of 2012, and thoughts for 2013

Ever since starting my university life, it feels like my year begins in June/July rather than January. So, writing this now feels a little weird, because it doesn't feel like a whole year has already passed-- but it has. Time is objective that way. Immaterial to individual feelings.

Why am I writing this? I've read many articles on how keeping journals/ diaries are a good way of keeping your life in check. But what really made me do it was because I saw a friend doing it and I thought that it was a good move. Actually, I've always written posts like this at the end of every year, just that they weren't official recaps, per se.

 Throughout the Autumn-Winter semester, I was never able to fully focus on my degree course. Learning is all a matter of exposure, in my opinion. Thankfully I still HAVE an opinion. I don't mean to be ungrateful, but in Mechanical Engineering there is a lack of critical thinking. At least about general stuff, not sure about pin jointed structures or stress-strain graphs.

If you were to ask me what happened from January through December, I can honestly say I don't remember. Thankfully, I wrote down the important stuff in my blog here and while it is true that the small things do matter, it's not like we can neglect the big ones either. That's just my way of justifying my forgetfulness.

Let's first talk a little bit about how my Q4 went. I spent most of it regretting taking Mechanical Engineering. I was doubtful, because it didn't seem like 'me'. It's not hard to see that I'm not your typical, quiet, bookwormish engineer. And the transition from Chemical Engineering to M.E. was harder that I thought. Do you know how it feels like to be alone in a room full of familiar faces?

It's still fine if I was alone in a room filled with people I didn't know. But it hurts quite a lot when they're your friends-but-not-really-friends . Obviously they were like that because our friendships didn't quite work out when we were classmates back in our foundation year. So we were basically on friendly terms, and that's about it.

It's also kinda hard that two of my closer friends changed universities after completing their foundation. I thought that I could at least turn to them for some solace outside of class. With the two of them gone, I also lost my contacts with their friends as well. You could say that they were the bridge linking two groups together.

Was I thinking too much at this point? Most people will say yes.





But as things usually do, they got better as time went on. Granted, when I go to class I'm still pretty much alone. It's hard to get use to, when I always had a group of friends ready for me back in Chem E. I always had a place, so to speak. Not anymore. But it's great to see that my group of friends are doing well and maintaining what I influenced them to do-- sit in front of class and pay attention while the lecturer is teaching. Yet, at the same time, it's also sad to see that they're fine without me, as if I wasn't that important after all.

I met Isaiah's friend, Peanut (Ngau Wah Sheng). He's a good guy, and we get along. Although I think I'm taking over Isaiah's role of corrupting him. I feel a little bad, because he's so innocent and naive. But I don't think I'm that bad of an influence. We do hang out from time to time but that's about it I guess. Oh, and he says we should draw a comic together. I think it'll be fun. Just like how Tukang and I used to be I guess.

Talking about studies, I don't think I've been doing too well. Sure, I did get inducted into the Dean's List based on my foundation year results. Some of my friends have said that my name's there, in front of the faculty office, but personally I've not gone to see it yet.Anyway, back to the point. No, I'm not doing too well. It's hard to study when you don't see the purpose of it. Not just studying, but anything, really.

I've not been giving too much of my attention in class while lectures are going on. It's not a good thing, I know. I'm hoping to change that with my mindset now. You see, if you pay attention in class, even if you don't study, you can still somewhat answer the exam questions. I don't know how I'm going to pull through this time though. What's even worse is that the idea of being unable to finish studying everything I need to is causing me to not even begin studying anything. That's terrible indeed.

Putting studies aside, I've been actively participating in the Nottingham Buddhist Society. I don't think I've been doing such a good job, but things seem to be going well to this point. Hui Jiun said she was jealous of me because I was selected to do a number of front office work-- speaking, publicising, being the master of ceremonies. Sumana also put me in charge of writing summaries of our events, which I'm thankful for for being able to keep writing even after I've stopped taking English modules anymore.

Speaking of writing, there was once when I asked Celestine and Yi Xin (both in my committee) to write the summaries. And it's refreshing, I think, to see different writing styles. Mine was more objective, impartial, to the point. Celestine's was more fun, emotions, and adjectives. Yi Xin's was like an article in a magazine. Catches your attention and keeps it.

Anyway, back to co-curricular activities-- I feel that the NBS has given me a number of opportunities to learn and improve myself, just like they did back in my Foundation year. Joining this club has been one of the best decisions I've made so far. It feels almost like a pity that I want to go to Nottingham UK next year, as Sumana had planned on me taking over presidency after her term. I guess I must've been doing pretty well, after all.

Also, through NBS activities, I've made a number of new friends. Through facebook, that number numbers around 150 people. But to be honest, I think around 20 is more realistic.

I've also started watching out for my health this year. I'm still young, yes, but I gained an interest in reading health journals and sports articles. I've tried preaching to my family about what I've learnt, and although 80% isn't going through, I'm still glad that they're listening to the 20% though. Any help is better than no help at all. My mom's been complaining that she's been putting on weight ever since her retirement. I don't blame her, after all, she's stopped working but she still eats just as much (more?). But what I would really hope is that my elder sister would learn something. Because, honestly, she kinda scares me with the way she eats. All those processed, junk stuff, late night eating and stuff. But well, this blog isn't about her. It's about me. And if I'm worrying about her more than she is, well, I can only say that that's her problem to solve at this point.

ENOUGH ABOUT THAT!

I've spent a lot of time reading about nutrition. What to eat, and what eating certain foods can do to your body. It's really interesting. I was formerly about 65kg, but now my weight has been hovering around 55-58kg. I think that's a good thing. If anyone, still reading this post to this point, has any questions about nutrition and food and exercise, feel free to ask me. I'll be more than glad to help.

Talking about spending, this year I did spend quite a bit of money. I bought three new pairs of shoes. Badminton (RM 80), Running  ( RM 380), and Basketball (RM210). I might've overdone it with my running shoes, but hey, I think it's a good buy. If you think about it, RM 380 over the course of 2 years is more than worth it.  But I guess getting into the Dean's List, and consequently the waiver I got covers it.

Besides shoes, I bought quite a number of sports clothes too. Mostly ranging about RM 50 each.

My biggest expenditure, I think, was covering the cost of my small car accident. RM 580. Although I think I've been ripped off. The cost for repairing my car was about RM 300, that include spraying, repainting, knocking, and fixing the rust on my roof and changing the break lights.

As a final recap of the year, because I feel this post is dragging on to be too long, I would like to say that 2012 was okay for me. Could be better, I feel, but then again, who's to say, yeah? After all, I did make new friends whom I'll cherish, I'm sure. I've changed quite a bit, too.

To end this post, I'd like to talk a little bit about my thoughts for the upcoming year.

Honestly, I don't know what to expect from 2013. In some ways, you could say I wasn't expecting 2013. If everything goes as planned, in September I'll have to say goodbye to Malaysia for a year. But firstly I'll have to focus on my exams. I have to score higher than 55 for every subject, which I think, although not too difficult, isn't something I should take lightly either.

There are still some things I'd like to say, but I guess I won't, because maybe one day I'd come to regret revealing everything over the internet. So, I won't.

My birthday and the World's End (Pfft, yeah right.)

My birthday usually signifies the arrival of Christmas. That's what people told me before. But this year, it was much more special. Because, according to the Mayans, as well as various scientists, my birthday ( or rather, the midnight just before my birthday) would be the end of the world as we knew it.

Pfft, yeah, right!

My birthday arrived without so much as a hitch.

Tang Yuen + Vegetarian Steamboat Party

Wednesday, 19 December 2012.

 Early in the morning, about 5:45am, I woke up and got ready. I packed my stuff, and left my house to go to the NBS' Lotus House. I reached there slightly shy of 6.30am, whereby I was allowed in by Sze Wei and we waited a moment for Derick to finish cleaning up, before pushing off to pick Ryan and going to the morning market in Semenyih. Why were we going there?
To buy vegetables, of course. To be more precise, RM 230 worth of vegetables. What!

BECAUSE! It was the NBS' Vegetarian Steamboat Party! We bought all sorts of veges-- too much maybe. I raised this question: "Are these vegetables enough to feed 21 mouths or are 21 mouths enough to finish these vegetables?" We would later find out that the latter part was more applicable as we were nowhere near finishing it as the night dragged on till midnight.

I went for classes after shopping and breakfast, and then had some stuff to do before dropping by the Lotus House again at 6pm in the evening. Just after reaching, we found out that we didn't have enough Tom Yam paste, so Zheng Yang and I went to Tesco to get more.

I should add an honourable mention here that the pharmacy ladies arrived much earlier to help clean and prepare the vegetables.

Anyway, the party started sometime around 7:30pm, and carried on till slightly past midnight. We mostly spent the time talking amongst each other. I'm sure the session helped all of us bond together better. :)

Dominoes, Pasar Malam, Birthday present :)

Today, we had a Maths test. Well, I could've done much better, I think, but I don't think I did too badly.
ANYWAY!

Audrey, Khoo, Por Yin and I went to Dominoes at Bandar Teknologi Kajang, just near Billion hypermarket. Well, nothing much to say about Dominoes, but after that we saw a pretty interesting pasar malam and we decided to go there.

The pasar malam, I'd say, was very energizing. People shouting out offers everywhere! delicious and cheap food too. Hahaha.

and then Khoo gave me my birthday present because it's highly likely that he wouldn't be able to celebrate my birthday with me. :)
It was an awesome present by the way. Just a hint, if you play basketball with me you'd probably see it. Ahahah!

Well, nothing much else today-- my semester is ending soon and my holidays exams are coming after that. Ahaha!

Dream Diary Day 16

This was actually a long long time ago. I can't remember when exactly, but I guess I might as well put a half-remembered dream/nightmare rather than procrastinating my dream journal any longer.

There was a tsunami. People were running and screaming, roads were jammed. I thought they couldn't get away in time anyway, so I didn't follow them. I entered a really really tall building, can't remember how many floors exactly, but it was tall. I think it was Equatorial hotel. The tsunami hit the building and it started to fall. I managed to grab hold of a bar but I was still falling. Then Por Yin's alarm woke me up.

Wreck-it-Ralph and the Big Bad Wolf book sale

7/12/2012.

Por Yin, Audrey and I went to the Mines resort KL to check out the Big Bad Wolf book sale. We got lost along the way there, but I can't be too sure, as I fell asleep in the car. Haha~

Upon reaching Mines, we went to buy our movie tickets (courtesy of Por and TGV cinemas) of Wreck-it-Ralph. I think it's a really really good movie, and I felt like sobbing at the end of it because the movie ended. Ah... what a rare occasion.

I definitely wanna watch it again.

After that we went to have our dinner at Barbe-Q Plaza, or something like that. It's OK. Haha~

The main event of the night was definitely the Big Bad Wolf book sale. The books, hardcovered and thick, were going for as low as RM 8/ea. There were literally hundreds of people pouring over a total of 3 million books (according to the organizers). I bought some books for my mom and sis, and a few for myself, totaling RM 57. 6 books for RM 57, woah.

We went back home at 6.30am. Yes, that's right: 6.30am. Wow, was I beat. I could've practically slept standing. It was a fun experience, nonetheless. :D

Now I have to get back to studying and doing assignments. Mechanical Engineering has been a little tough on me, but I'll pull through, one way or another. Adios!

Dream Diaray day 15

This was from October 19.

In my dream...

I was at somewhere else; I was alone mostly. I was traveling to certain areas. Also, I had magic. I could conjure a robe of flames that could protect a person. The magic words were "en fuego", and "en flargo". (I can't remember what happened after that)

Then, I was at an empty house. I was looking for something, I wanted to take it but I can't remember what. I forgot what happened next, but it was a tensed situation. Some things happened, I can't remember again, but I was sleeping outside a house. Sebby was staying at the house opposite the one I was sleeping at. I woke up when I saw a policeman. I told the policeman that I was staying there and he went away. I went into Sebby's house. His parents laughed when I told them the story.

We went to a big room/hall with 4 or 5 televisions. Suddenly, we were practicing dancing (there were a few other people there too, but I can't remember any of them). The first dance was weird. They moved the TVs a round and then we tried dancing a second time, but there wasn't enough space to move around..
Then I woke up.

Hmm.

Nike We Run 10K 2012

On Saturday, 13 October 2012, I took part in my very first organized run, by Nike.  My day started like so: Shi Yee was kind enough to drop me off at campus at 9am for me to board the bus to Kajang. Then, I took the ktm all the way to Kepong, and I went to Audrey’s house. Chilled there for a while until Pearlyn came and then we went to have lunch together at Pak Hailam. 

At this point I was going to talk about why the lemon in my iced lemon tea wouldn't float up with the ice on top of it, but I was sadly interrupted. Audrey said she was waiting for me to do that when she saw me looking at the lemon, and that got me thinking, "Do I really explain stuff like these for no apparent reason?"

Anyway, Audrey's dad treated us to lunch, and then we went back to their house to prepare to go to the run. Beng Guan and Hong Chien arrived sometime later, followed by Carmen after that. With all the cast ready, Audrey's father drove us to our destination.

We reached Jalan Ampang (the starting point) and met up with Sunnie there. We took some photos and prepared to run. The run started slightly late, due to the slight rain I think. But we started anyway. I WAS PUMPED!

The run started out very slowly, mainly because there were a ton of people in front of me and we were sort of like sardines in a can. I told the gang, "See ya'll at the finish line" like a boss and started zig-zagging my way through the crowd. I sprinted for about 1km or so, and then slowed down to a run for the next km and finally started the steady jog when the crowd thinned out a little.

The run itself was pretty fun. I high-fived a lot of people. The dancers encouraging us, the first aid teams, the officials, and even other runners. Hahaha. On the way past the 6th km, I saw Sunnie on the other side of the road (it was like an oval of sorts,).

The final stretch was the best part. People were actually cheering for us, saying like, "A little more!" or "Last km!" and some of the pedestrians were even clapping as we ran past the finishing line. My time, I remembered, was 1:07,  eg one hour and seven minutes, but I can't remember the seconds and milliseconds. I managed to get a finisher tee, although I suspect almost everybody who completed the run got it.

When I finished the run, at the gathering spot, there was hardly anybody there.

***

After the run we ate dinner in KLCC, at Ben's. My dinner was about RM 40... lol.. I ate 3 servings of salad and one mushroom chicken pie. One, because I ordered a salad dish which came on a big plate. Two, because my mushroom pie came with salad and I wasn't aware of it. Three, because Audrey didn't wanna eat her salad so I took it.

After that, we tried to find a way to exit suria KLCC, because by that time most of the doors were locked. Anyway, we found our way out and Audrey's father picked us up. He dropped Carmen back home first, and then dropped Pearlyn, Sunnie and I at Sunnie's place.

Sunnie's dad was waiting for us when we reached back, because it was pretty late already at the time, (about 12am). We slept pretty early for the night.

Surprisingly, I managed to sleep about 10 hours in her place, because usually I don't sleep so long in other people's houses. But I managed to sleep pretty comfortably there, although I had a really small blanket. It was a nice and homey place, in short.

The next morning, I woke up  at 10:30am, and had a simple conversation in Chinese/Malay with her grandmother/aunty. We went for breakfast; I had pork noodles with egg. It was pretty good. Then, we went for BADMINTON! Yes, you heard right, we went for badminton. After running 10K the day before. Hahaha. Well, badminton was fun; I hadn't played in a while. But most of us were tired out before our 2 hours were up.

After that we went for lunch with Jun Seong, at a place called WDS. Lots of food stalls there. The food was pretty good too. I had claypot chicken rice.

We reached back Sunnie's place at about 3:30pm, roughly. And we decided to help her wash her car.

We were done by about 4pm, and then we just chilled around in her living room. Haha.

Around 5:45, Sunnie sent me to Kepong's KTM station; I reached there around 6 and surprisingly the KTM was really good. It was comfortable, efficient, and all-around satisfying.

Por Yin picked me up at Kajang (no more waiting for uni bus, YEAH!) and we had lunch around there. I took quite a lot of food and it only cost me RM 4.80. I think it was pretty worth it.

After that, I reached back home and had to wash my clothes and scrub my shoes. Oh man, my shoes. My poor pegassi, covered in mud. But they look as good as new now, after I cleaned them. :)

And that ends my very enjoyable weekend escapade.


***

Sometimes I look at people and I have some thoughts about them, like, this person is nice, or I think I can get along pretty well with this person, or I think I can picture myself walking with this person, and so on. And well, I don't know what to conclude from that aspect of mine. Maybe it's good, maybe it's bad. But it's not really accurate; sometimes I become friends with people I never thought I would be, and vice versa-- sometimes I just can't be more than just acquaintances with people I thought I could be good friends with.

Couldn't resist it

"I love Mondays.. Because after a long weekend..."
"...Because after a long weekend..."
"...a long weekend..."
"...long weekend..."

 ... did I just read? 



Haha~ wow, never thought I'd hear someone say something like that. Long weekends? man, I wish I had long weekends.

Dream Diary Day 14

Slept for slightly more than 9 hours today. Happened when I woke up at 7, then went back to sleep, woke up at 8 and went back to sleep again.

***

I can't remember much of it. I was staying with my friends somewhere.. who exactly those friends were I can't remember anymore. Then it involved me walking in and out of a room, taking off and putting on my basketball shoes. Then there was some noise, and we all looked out of the house from the window, and we saw people drilling our front door. We went outside and asked those people what they were doing; and they said that they wanted to break apart our houses because they can't stand eating at the front because it's so smelly.

So we left them be.

Some things happened, I can't remember, then I went to a swimming pool. In my normal clothes. I took off my shoes and went swimming. But I wasn't really swimming, I was more like running in water. At first I was very slow, because you know, running in water. But I started becoming faster and faster and eventually it felt like running on land. After a few laps, (2?) I stopped, relaxed at the side for a while then put on my shoes again. I went to my car, started the engine and suddenly Florence was talking to me through the co-driver's window. Funny, because I don't really know her. I can't remember what she said. I turned on the music and she suddenly entered my car. I shrugged it off and started driving.

Suddenly I was driving with my sister. I wanted to go somewhere-- to a restaurant of sorts-- to meet up with a few friends, but I didn't wanna be the first one there so my sister was just cruising around the area until the time. Then I messaged some friends and asked them if they reached or not. I got a few replies saying that they're almost there, then I woke up.

Dream Diary Day 13

I was sleeping in my cousin's house when I had this dream.

***

I was in line in some restaurant (it looked like McDonalds). There was a guy in front of me, and a girl behind me ( I can't remember whether I recognized them or not).  The girl had an "insignificant" presence to all others except the guy and I, in a sense that she wasn't a ghost or anything, it's just that people don't take notice of her. The guy and I ordered our food respectively; he took his stuff and went away while I waited near the counter for my order.

The girl behind me then went to the counter and tried to order her food, but was effectively ignored by the waiter and the person behind her just brushed past her and started ordering his/her stuff anyway. So I was like, "excuse me? My friend wants to place her order." and the waiter just suddenly noticed her standing there and apologized. My friend, the girl with the insignificant presence, thanked me.

Warped to somewhere else, I was talking to another friend, a senior, who had supposedly gone to the UK. I saw her in campus, then I was like, "what are you doing here?" and she was like, "Terence, did you know your gigi rongak and ada lubang?"

And suddenly I just started touching my front tooth to find a huge hole there. And then I woke up.

Home

Why did a sudden wave of homesickness suddenly swallow me?

I got a feeling that if I didn't go out with my friends so much-- didn't eat together, play together, laugh together-- I'm sure I wouldn't be missing home like this. It's not like it's a bad place, where I am, but I just can't help longing for those days to last forever. Heh, yeah, "those days". I seem to use that phrase pretty often.

Before this, I was so caught up with Jasmine leaving that I didn't have time to prep myself, I guess. It's like, whoah, suddenly I'm gone too. I'm not ready to start my term yet.

I just wished all of us could have spent a little more time together, or not at all. But how much is "a little more" time? Time is never enough.

Well... enough ranting I guess.

Sometimes I interchangeably use sad and tired in my speech.  

Start of a new term

Well, it's time. Tomorrow (today, actually, since it's past 12) I'm gonna go back to Nottingham and start my new term there as a Year 1 Mechanical Engineering student, staying with new friends in a new house. I'm still the same me, but I'm sure I've changed a little over the months. I can't say I've made the "best" decisions in my life, or even if I've made the "right" ones. Who knows, right? Maybe in a parallel universe, there would be a different me doing all the things that I might've done, but didn't do. But that's for him to experience. I just have to do my best with the things presented to me at the present moment. That sounds about right.

 Isaiah and I were talking about how it might feel to have done something different in the past; What if I had been more active in sports when I was younger? What if I had done this, or that? What if I had not gone to Genting 2 years ago?

Well, after some conversing, we concluded that we wouldn't change anything in our lives even if we had the chance to re-live it all over again. Because who knows, the subtle decisions are the ones that may cause the biggest changes.

I saw a picture of a group of friends who went met up at the same place every 5 years and took a photo together. I thought it'd be a nice thing to do.

Dream Diary Day 12

I had a dream... I had a gun. It was a weird looking gun. It looked like an old model gun. I had to cock the hammer after each shot. One thing I noticed (now that I'm awake) was that the gun didn't need bullets. There were always bullets ready. I was fighting these 2 vampire-like things. They were humans, essentially, but they had some sort of power.

 Anyway, one of them was a girl, and I think she was called "Rin" and the other guy was my father. I tried shooting Rin but to no avail; she wasn't affect by my shots at all. And she tried shooting me back. I remember we were in the dark and funny enough, she couldn't really see me. She relied on sound a lot. Anyway, suddenly my father grabbed my leg, and then Rin was preparing to shoot me. So , I shot him. It worked this time, because he let go and screamed in pain.

I managed to run away . Upstairs, I was alone. Suddenly I was packing my stuff, clothes, etc. There was another part here, but I can't remember. Then I woke up.

Dream Diary Day 11

I had a dream, but I can't remember much of it. I was dying, and my back hurt. There was this girl (a reaper?) who asked me, "When do you want to die?". And I told her, "Not yet." And then I watched 'my friends' live their lives. "My friends" because I don't really recognize any of them, now that I think about it. There were also other parts, but I can't seem to see how they connect. There was some fighting, I had to kill a hydra-like monster. You know, the one with many heads. And... I can't remember anymore.

Dean's Excellence Award

Today I just received the email notifying me that I was shortlisted into the Dean's List. Well, that's fine news indeed, in such dreary times.

Jasmine Takes Off for Cardiff, UK.

A few weeks back I used to wonder,
  "Would I cry when the time came?"
And now sometimes I still ponder,
 "Will I ever be the same?"

I tried to not let my tears fall
  but maybe I tried to hard;
Because now I feel nothing at all
  Not even my heart.

***

I realize that I really am a coward. I thought of what I would finally write here; but in the end I'm not gonna write anything I thought I would.
My parents asked me, "What does she mean to you?" And I didn't know how to answer.  Anyway, we saw her off at the KLIA airport last night. 

***

Hatten Hotel

I don't feel like writing about it. It was something like the Last Supper, excuse my usage of it. I'm probably at an all time low now. Goodbye.

Well, Jasmine invited me for dinner over at Chatterz, Hatten Hotel. It was a buffet dinner with the gang.  It was fun. Lots of photos up too.

My Mom told me that I didn't seem happy...

 ...like I was sort of sad.

It's just that I never really gave much thought to it. I mean, I've been keeping myself busy, maybe even too busy, with basketball, badminton, reading and working out and recently playing cards almost everyday, and even sometimes a combination of two or more of those in a day, that I don't really have the time to look 'inwards' anymore. I've stopped meditating (or at least attempting to) and I can't remember the last time I actually just did nothing. There was always facebook, twitter, and a myriad of other things to constantly check on when I had nothing to do. In such a way, I always had something to do, even though it might have been a waste of my time.

I also noticed that I didn't express of my feelings anymore, if I had any to begin with (NOTE: Lack of adjectives in my speech). Another evidence would be my lack/reduced number of blog posts/ facebook updates similar to this one, where I talk about what I was feeling at the time. Lately, it's all been those motivational mumbo jumbo. Sure, it's nice to see once in a while, and maybe someone out there might feel inspired from reading them, but those aren't 'me'. They don't express me as a person, nor do they reflect what was going through my mind. Without realising, have I put on a facade?

After my mom told me that I felt like all the energy in my body just flew away, sapped, gone, vamoosed... it just disappeared. Maybe it wasn't because of her, per se, but because what she said was like a wake up call, a reality check of sorts. Am I not happy?

I've always been telling myself that, yes, I was, indeed, happy. Everyday, everytime. I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy. Was I really? I'm not sad, I think. Well, on a scale of 0 to 200, where 200 is super absolutely blissful/euphoric, 100 is neutral, and 0 is totally down in the dumps suicidal emo thing, I would say I'm about 110-120.

Why do I say that? Well, simply because I think I'm a pretty positive person in general. Yet, at the same time, there are a lot of things I'm not very satisfied about.

I feel that I could've been so much better, can do so much better and can be so much better than I am. My parents would say that things and life are proceeding just as they should be, but I can't help feeling like I had a bigger role to play.


I'm also getting frustrated that I'm not getting any better at basketball. Coupled with the fact that I have a bad right knee and left ankle, I wonder what's going to happen in the future?

On the other hand, I'm still very healthy, and there's a lot to be thankful for; good food, good people. 
Not to mention that Jasmine is going to go to UK soon. I know, I know, it's not like she's going to disappear or something. It's just that she seems so far now.
I remember reading somewhere that you can teach yourself to believe your own lies if you keep repeating them. And maybe, somewhere down the road, my white lies became truths.



Well, after typing all those, I realize that I'm happier being happy after all.

Outing--Met Mr. Ong and Mr. John Tay

Today, after dinner, Isaiah came to pick me up. And then, we went to pick Jia En and Jasmine. We were headed to DP. Along the way, Isaiah and I, as usual, started poppycocking about how Fan Kiat was supposed to join us but because of Jasmine he didn't wanna come. Jasmine's flustered replies and Isaiah's continous barrage of blame was as interesting as ever. Jia En was quiet the whole time, except when he said one sentence and Jasmine snapped at him, "Shut up, Jia En!"

We arrived at DP and stood around green apple chatting while waiting for Fan Kiat. Usual chatter. Fan Kiat arrived and then we, or rather, the two of them, ate at US pizza while we watched. After that, we went to Tiga Ros to lepak ala mamak.

When we were about done, we met Mr. John Tay(Primary school headmaster) and Mr. Ong (Secondary school principal). What a combination eh? We spoke to them and Mr. Ong gave us some of his life advice and experiences, such as

We have to cultivate the roots (character, moral values) and spread our wings (education).
How traveling can be an eye-opener for us.
Being grateful.

Dream diary day 10

I was playing a game at the arcade, with my mother. It was a pretty scary game. It was a shooting game. I remember the main character was a female lead. Anyway, it was like a shooting game where kept losing. And the antagonist kept mocking me, personally, not the female lead. Anyway, suddenly I was in my wira-- it had some minor problems like jerking and stuff-- with Jasmine, Jia Lin and Isaiah, and maybe Glenn was there, but I can't remember so clearly anymore.

We wanted to go somewhere together. So, we went to this place, I can't remember how I got there, or even where it was-- it was dark and there was a building. I parked my car outside, and phoned my father to come take the car because I wouldn't be needing it. So the four/five of us walked into the building and went down a really long and dark flight of stairs. The stairs were different from normal stairs in the sense that there were four normal steps, and suddenly one large drop down, and then another four normal steps.

As we were walking, suddenly I was walking down alone (but that didn't seem to faze me, it's like I just realized this after I woke up). I couldn't see the bottom of the stairs. It was just dark. I remember we were talking together, but eventually the talking stopped. Suddenly, I remembered that I was holding the car-keys, and that my father couldn't take the car without them (actually he has a spare key, but in my dream it didn't occur to me).

I tried calling my father, but he didn't answer. I remember the phone rang, but he didn't pick up. I called twice, and then decided to turn back and climb back up. I climbed and reached back up. I was alone in the dark. I phoned my father again, no response, However, on the second try, somebody answered the phone-- but I didn't find out who, I >decided< to wake up at the point.

Dream Diary day 9

This was a rather long and elaborate dream I had when I decided to sleep back after waking up.

I was a soldier in the army of blue. There was a big war going on between green, red and blue. At the time, green and red had an alliance because blue was getting too strong. Red army had these 5 great generals, whose leader was very cruel. They gathered at the outskirts of blue country and waited to attack.

We sent a bomb to the green/red alliance, exploded, decimated the whole city. Some time later, a girl and I were sent to check out the area. Drove there, place was in ruins. Got down from the car, walked around.  Went inside a building, felt unsafe, gave girl my weapon, asked to split up. I went into a kitchen of sorts, suddenly saw one of the red generals. He had long red hair. He was dazed and didn’t know what happened. He cornered me. But he was still strong and I was no match for him. He didn’t know I was an enemy. So I pretended to be his friend. He asked me to cook something for him. I cooked pork and white cabbage soup.

He was pretty friendly, although a bit crazy. Still, he didn’t attack me, but asked me to lead him back to his country. He lost most of his stuff, and his memory was fuzzy too. He still had a grudge against blue citizens. He didn’t know I was. We travelled to another city, where he found out that his phone, which had a lot of info, was there. A lot of time had passed. He went to see the village leader, and the leader asked him to solve a puzzle. Together we solved the puzzle and I helped him find his phone when he had almost given up hope. He seemed to trust me at this point. He went in to talk with the leader personally, I was waiting outside. Suddenly, friends saw me there, excited, asked me to return home; I told them I couldn’t and to not make a fuss out of it. The red general came out and then all panicked and ran to hide. The general was oblivious. As if he couldn't recognize the countries anymore. We travelled some more.

I received a message from my country for a plan to kill him. We came to this large hall. On the way up many of my countrymen were there; all made eye contact with me and passed along secret messages. I told him that the red leader was inside there, and I shouldn’t go in together with him. I’ll wait outside.  He was ambushed, but he was strong. There was a lot of fighting going on; he was killing his attackers. The last I remember was the look of anger and at me for betraying him. Then I woke up.

Meteor Shower?

Dream Diary day 8

Today I had a dream, I can't remember much of it.

I was in some place (maybe I was playing a game), and there was this girl and an old man. Originally the old man was just standing there watching as I fought with the girl. She was slightly pixelated around the shoulders. As we fought, I was about to win when suddenly the old man started attacking me too. I had to fight off both of them. The old guy had some sort of dark powers, where he can summon a small smoke of purple that looked dangerous, but I didn't stick around to see what it did. It was a tough fight, two people attacking you relentlessly like that. But I managed to defeat the old man first. Then suddenly, I saw a lot of people running.

And then I heard the word "Ikebana" I think... After that I woke up.

Dream Diary Day 8

I had a weird dream/ nightmare while taking an afternoon nap-turn-sleep. I can't remember much of it, but it went something like this.

My sister and I were walking along a hill, where we say a small boy, and a guy. I can't remember what they were doing. I was chewing a really big orange in my mouth and had more orange in my hand. Weirdly enough, there was also a basketball court there. And just so happen my sister had a basketball with her. She gave the basketball to the small kid by flipping it at him, but obviously the kid couldn't catch it and the ball bounced down the hill and onto a highway. The older guy ran to the highway and tossed the ball back, but neither of us caught it and the ball bounced back down. He tossed the ball up again and still neither of us caught it, although I was shouting to ask my sister to get it because I couldn't, with my mouth and hands filled with oranges. The guy was angry this time and let the ball roll down the highway. We squabbled a bit, and I was blaming her for not getting the ball. Anyway, I didn't care so much about the ball, but my sister was hellbent on getting it back, so she slid down the hill and started running along the highway to chase the ball down. I was angry but I ran after her. No matter how much or how fast we ran, we couldn't catch up to the ball for some odd reason. It was always there in front of us rolling. We ran for 28 hours, apparently, when I finally had enough and told my sister that it was stupid to run after a ball, but she was still indignant of chasing it. My parents appeared and I stayed with them while my sister continued chasing after the ball.

My dream ended then, I but didn't wake up just yet. I was still sleeping, but lightly sleeping because I knew I was sleeping. everything was black, or blank. I didn't wake up when my dream ended.

Dream Diary day 7

I was looking for something... I think with the help of this one guy.. I can't remember what we did.
But he did say that "I've known you for 23 years". I wonder what that means.

Dream Diary day 6

I notice that I don't write these anymore. The truth is, lately I have been having dreams as an almost daily affair. And they're tiring dreams. It's like I'm living another life when I dream, and one more when I wake up. Needless to say, I don't get much actual rest.

In today's dream, I wanted to go somewhere. I asked my cousin to send me there, but she said that her car was already full, so my mother sent me to the bus stop instead. At the bus stop, I wanted to buy some tea. There, I met a girl who seems to be pretty friendly with me. She was holding a book, but I can't really recall what it looked like. I told her that I couldn't tell whether I was dreaming or not. She said, "Really?"
And then I woke up.

Jasmine's 19th Birthday

23 June 2012

Will update more later.

MHS 158th Sports Day

Today MHS (I studied form 6 there for a while) has their annual sports day. Having nothing to do and being alone at home, I decided to pay my friends a visit.

I had lunch with Hann Suk and Bernard at around 12:20-ish at DP at a place called Arisan.It was mediocre to say the most, though I wasn't expecting anything better.

Touring friends from 15-19 June

on Friday, 15 June 2012, Audrey, Carmen and Por Yin came down to Melaka to visit me (aiseh shy). It all started out somewhere before our finals ended when I had the idea to invite the said people into the same conversation. Don't ask me why, I don't know, it just happened. Somehow, staying up late and chatting with them has somewhat become something I look forward to almost every night. To be honest, I was afraid that when they came to Melaka things wouldn't go smoothly. I don't know.

Anyway, more to come soon.

Why does the past seem so... perfect?

Was it a good thing to read my diary again? I'm filled with all the emotions I've felt two years ago and my head is... confused and muddled, and my heart is depressed, and disappointed all at the same time. I'm torn inside by feelings of nostalgia. I could feel how happy I was in the past from the tone I used in my writings. It was so bright, as opposed to the sombre tone I have lately.

Wouldn't it be nice to have the power to relive past experiences associated with photographs?

How I spent my first official holiday in campus.

It was immediately after my last paper, Chemistry, that I decided to dedicate the rest of my day to having fun. But apparently, I could not. Why; simply because everybody suddenly disappeared (they were most probably sleeping). Well, because of that, I tried bothering a few people over facebook and asking others to come and hang out or something. No go.

I'd like to make a special nod towards Emily over here, cause as I was complaining to her, sort of, about how boring my night would be alone even though it's right after my exams, she invited me to join her and her friends for a night out,  karaoke style. On any other occasion I would jump at the offer, but this time I was hesitant because it was supposed to be a girls' night out; even though I'm sure she was honest when she said it wouldn't be a problem. But oh well, the notion really made me happy.

With nothing much else to do, I took a nap. At this point I had a weird dream, but I can't remember anything about it except that I had it. After that, I went to the library (talk about lame!) to "study" a bit, but mainly ended up wasting time. I had actually wanted to go play sports or something, but I thought I was going to go back today, so I didn't want to make my clothes all sweaty and stuff.

Anyhow, at around 7.30pm I had dinner with Audrey and Beng Guan and Chun Ming. Chun disappeared after dinner, while Beng Guan busied himself with pool. Audrey and I just chit-chatted for like... 4 hours or so until it was nearly 12am. I wonder if I handled the situation well enough or not, but I think it was OK since she didn't seem too upset by the end of our conversations.

I went back to the library and talked with Isaiah for a while, and then I went back to my room to sleep.

Buddhist Youth Networking Day and BGF Charity Dinner

Sunday, 29th April, 2012:
One day after the BERSIH 3.0 protest in central KL (and basically everywhere around Malaysia), we, namely members of the Nottingham Buddhist Society, abbreviated as NBS, set off in a convoy of three four cars to a temple is Shah Alam for an event called the Buddhist Youth Networking Day (BYND).

BYND:
The BYND was organised by the Buddhist Gem Fellowship and the Shah Alam Buddhist Society... I think. Rather than a networking day, it was more like a half-day camp, as it lasted from 8.30am to 4.30pm. We were lucky enough to have the venerable Ajahn Brahm with us as a speaker. He was really interesting, and I honestly felt that I learnt a lot from him. Besides that, we had a discussions session about some problems. I joined the "Dealing with Pressure" session. Well, I guess everyone in the group were pressured, because everyone was so quiet. After some time, finally some people started to speak and got the ball rolling. I bought a nice red shirt with the words ":) Don't Worry, Be Happy" (which was the theme of the day) printed on it. We had free vegetarian lunch and they gave us some instant noodles as a complimentary gift before we left. At the end of the BYND, the NBS members got ready to go to our main event of the day: The BGF Charity Dinner: Don't Worry, Be Happy.

BGF Charity Dinner:

"Don't Worry, Be Happy". The wise words of Bobby McFerrin were used as the theme of the dinner. Upon reaching the HGH Convention Centre in Sentul, KL, we immediately went to the nearest rest room to clean ourselves up. After that,

Yup! All of the guys got into formal attire, while the ladies wore traditional baju kebaya, as we were to be the ushers for the night. Man, I think I mentioned it before, but guys in formal wear look damn good. (Photos to be coming soon, hopefully. As soon as See Chew uploads them. Also, one with Link Er and I )


At any rate, I was positioned to welcome the VVVVVVVIPS (All those Datos' And Datins' and Tan Sri and etc) at the main entrance. Wow! Talk about tension. Well, they were all really nice people at any rate. Smiling as I opened the door for them and pointing them to the right places. Hoho. But dayum, was I hungry by the time our outside duties were done. We were given three tables to eat at. Wow, the food was really good. I met two really nice people, William, a chemical engineer (in a month's time, at any rate) and Pei Siah (I don't know how to spell her name =/ ), a working lawyer. Every now and then we were supposed to walk around and help the guests with anything they need, like accepting donations and stuff.

Some highlights of the night:
Ajahn Brahm's talk, it was really interesting.
Peranakan skit.
Choir.

After the night ended, we formed two lines at the main exit and bade farewell to all the guests. After the event was officially over, we helped to clean the place up a little, by packing up the items, boxes, stones and et cetera. Then we took to the stage and had some nice photos together.

After that, we were given some food to bring back home. The curry puffs were really good, by the way. It was around 12.15am when we finally took off from the HGH convention centre to go back "home".

We arrived back at roughly 1.00am and I went to bed.

That Day (Poem)

We used to sit there talking about the past
because they're the only things we thought would last.
As time moved on and we had more to do,
The distance between us started to grow too.

It didn't matter who was the first to look away,
We silently agreed that we each had our own ways.
And now finally my back has faced yours,
and we're off walking through two different doors.

But as the days go by, I can't help but look back,
Despite always trying my best to keep on track,
But sometimes I wondered if we could have stayed the same way,
Just sitting there talking, just like that day.

~Terence.

Dream Diary Day 5

Been a long time since I had a dream. This time it was kinda nice. :)

I dreamt that my mother and I had to take care of some dogs. And immediately 3 dogs took and liking to me, and I to them. They were really cute... and fluffy. One was brown/orange, one was light brown/beige and one more was white. The three of them had black eyes. So yeah, spent some time playing with them and such. Finally, I had to go back, and then the light brown one was sad, then he took his favourite ball and dropped it at my feet. AWWWWW. Then I woke up to go for my morning jog as usual.

Dream Diary day 4

I dreamt that I was in a different world. Or maybe different time. There weren't many people left on Earth. There was this guy, who had some kind of power... I can't remember what. He said he was a real human... and the others were fake. I spoke with him and he told me some weird info... and after that I tried acting like him-- weird, reckless, with the knowledge that if I were to die, I'd just be alive again at the place before death. After acting this way, everyone else around me started ignoring me. He says that this is because I'm not one of them anymore, I too was a real human, just living among fakes and being acknowledged because I was acting like I was supposed to.

Argh... can't really remember anymore... at some point a girl joined us when I found out she was different too.. but then something happened, we were attacked or something, then I woke up.

Gah, it was a really interesting dream. Wished I could remember more.

Dream diary day 3

Had a weird dream, as usual after sleeping in the afternoon this time. I dreamt someone entered my room and hanged one of my presents on the wall. The next part seems totally unrelated.

I was with a girl (I THINK), in a car with my father, or rather, her father. I think the girl was ME, in another world. But I was there, and so was she. I think I wasn't supposed to exist there... I can't remember... I knew there were fireworks and a huge building, and I was being attacked by something... then we managed to drive away, came to a steep hill, wanted to look for someone, then my alarm woke me up. GAH. I can't remember more... I was sure that there were more details though.

Dream Diary 2-xx

For some odd reason, after starting my dream diary I've never had a dream I can remember anymore. Peculiar... really peculiar.

Dream Diary Day 1

Dream Diary Day 1

There was Sharon and Shi Yee... something about Mid Valley. Something about Valentine's day. A joke about sending a gift to yourself.

Gah.. I can't remember anymore. I know there's more, I just can't remember.

Outing with PorYin and friends, and the start of my Dream Diary.

Today I went out with PorYin and his friends (well, I guess I could say my friends as well), namely Choon Ming, Pearlyn and Joeh. We left campus at 10.15am, reached Kajang around 11am, and reached KL sentral nearly 11.45am. We reached KLCC at roughly 12pm and had our lunch there. After that we went to Kinokuniya where I spent RM100 of my RM 200 1Malaysia book voucher. And basically we spent the whole day walking around and such.

Starting from today, I'm going to be updating this blog with my dream diaries as well. I'm going to write down, honestly, 100% whatever I can remember from my dream (if I can remember anything at all).

Times are hard

I look to the sky,

I'm wondering why,

Despite everything I do,

I'm still feeling blue.

The sudden goodbye,

I'm left here wondering why,

A thought of fear,

Was my end to the year.

As if I'm crying,

And you wouldn't know,

That you hurt me so.

There are no meanings to my teardrops,

Here I am, trying to stop.

Like a time machine that whisks you to and fro,

I'm stuck here by a love that's trying to grow,

Like a time machine that whisks you to and fro,

I'm stuck here by a love that can never mature.

I can overflow with tears and still never know the meaning,

Of a romance, or even that feeling.

Oh Time Machine please take me far away from here,

So I'd never love you or hold you dear.

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I know, it sounds love-sick or something. But to be honest, it's not that.

It's a New Year. May 2012 be good to everyone.

So many incidents happened in 2011, I find it hard to believe that I'm still the same person. Sure, there are some changes but inside, I'm still me. I've learnt many things, like how life has its ups and downs, life how happiness, despite how much we want it to last forever, simply will not be perpetual, like how good friends can suddenly become strangers, like how it feels to be lonely, even when we aren't literally alone, like how the world doesn't always work as we want it to and so on...

When I think back through 2011, I honestly feel like crying; not because I am sad or depressed or angry or upset or anything like that... it's simply because there are too many emotions squeezed into a short period of time that my mind can't seem to handle.

For better or for worse, thank you to everyone who went through 2011 with me, and I hope we can still go through 2012 together. Here's to another good year, cheers!